RANDOM THOUGHTS & RECIPES-FACING MY FEARS

Facing my Fears

Everything that makes me happy, I learned when I finally started growing up. I read somewhere that ‘truly happy people are those who have the strength to bear weaknesses and have the courage to face their fears, and whose embrace of life enlarges through every loss.’ I don’t remember where I read it but it stuck with me through my losses in my life. I have learned to bear my weaknesses and face my fears and embrace whatever life has to offer.

One of my fears in the past has always been driving over bridges. To face this fear, I decided that I was going to meet this fear face to face. It came to me in Pensacola on a five mile long bridge during a family reunion. It was a demon of a bridge. I wondered how in the world could a bridge so long and suspended so high over the deep blue waters could hold so many cars safely? It seemed to me an impossible task. It also seemed to me an impossible task for me to drive over it. However, I know I had to do it. It may seem trivial to some but to me it was the dinosaur in Jurassic Park. At first, I drove oh so carefully, not looking left or right. My girls were excited, saying, “ look at the boats, mommy!” I said, “I can’t look right now.” I wanted them to think I was concentrating on driving, not scared to death. I think they knew anyway. I heard the cars behind me honking impatiently as I stopped midway the bridge. I just couldn’t do it. It then came to my mind…”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I drove to the other side, made a u-turn and returned to where I first started. I repeated this feat several times over the next few days. Now, whenever I drive over a bridge, I am reminded of my triumph that first time in Florida.

I remember growing up and being fearful that I didn’t fit in, that I wasn’t good enough or smart enough. Other friends had bigger houses, better toys prettier clothes. They made all the rules and got to do all the things that I couldn’t do. I harbored a feeling of discontent and inadequacy and felt unqualified to make decisions on my own for fear that I would make the wrong one. It seemed that around my family, I was fine but around those people I felt that I didn’t measure up. Most of them were critical of everyone, especially me. The sad part was I still wanted them to be my friends. These people, who had nothing to offer me but negativity. I don’t know how I snapped out of it but I look back and realize that it was nobody’s fault but my own. I had not reached my intelligence quota to recognize that it was okay to be me. I had not learned that there was greatness inside of me. It was okay to be different, so I had allowed myself to accept the position of feeling inferior. It was not their fault. No one could have made me feel inferior without my permission.

Another fear I had in life was facing life alone after my first divorce. I felt I was too weak to go it alone; too afraid to be totally responsible for myself, my youngest daughter, my salon business, and all the responsibilities attached to being a single mom. However, I realized that in order to grow it was necessary to make that move. For my own peace of mind, I gave up the nice 2800+ sf brick ranch with rose bushes and evergreens and moved into a small apartment over my salon with my daughter. We were quite content to live there. I could work as late as I wanted and not have to drive home, and my daughter was right there with me the whole time. If we wanted to get a way, sometimes we stayed at my dad’s who only lived twenty minutes away. My mom had passed away and my dad lived alone, so he welcomed the company.

Less than two years later we sold the salon and moved to Michigan into a 4000 sf home. We started a new life with me, a new husband, my daughter, a new step dad.  We had an acre of land land with lots of room to roam, a garden with evergreens and more. We were very happy for a long time. I had the strength to bear my weaknesses and emerge a much stronger, more confident woman.

I believe that as I grow in Christ, and by letting Him guide me, I am learning to find true happiness and better relationships. In spite of my weaknesses that I posses, I have no acrimonious thoughts of others and have learned that happiness means accepting and embracing what blessings God has to offer. God is not the author of fear.

Now I know that this is a recipe book, so what does fear have to do with it? Well who’s afraid of hot stuff? Thy this spicy Raspberry Jerk Chicken and don’t let your tongue be too fearful. It is the bomb!

Beebe Love’s Raspberry Jerk Chicken

Ingredients

1 Whole Chicken Cleaned;

4 Tablespoons Walkerswood Jerk Seasoning

1 Small Onion cut in slivers

Garlic Powder

1 bottle of zesty Italian dressing

1 jar of raspberry preserves

1 green pepper. Cut in strips

Method

1 Mix Italian dressing, Walkerswood jerk seasoning, garlic powder together with a wire whisk until smooth. Add onion,

2 Place chicken in a large freezer bag, or in a large roasting pan or baking dish. Pour marinade over the chicken and coat well. Seal the bag or cover the chicken in the pan with plastic wrap. Refrigerate overnight.

3 When you are ready to cook the chicken, remove chicken from the marinade bag or pan. Put the remaining marinade into a small saucepan. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 15-20 minutes. Set aside to use as a basting sauce and serving sauce for the chicken.

4a Grilling Method
Preheat grill to medium high. Place chicken halves, skin side down on the grill grates. Cover. Cook for approximately one hour, keeping the internal grill temperature between 350°F and 400°F, turning the chickens occasionally and basting with marinade, until the chicken halves are cooked through. The chicken is done when the juices run clear (not pink) Transfer chicken to baking dish, pour on sauce and place in oven for 20 minutes at 350°. Remove from oven and tent loosely with foil to keep warm and let stand 15 minutes before serving.

Serve with black beans and rice.

Serves 6 to 8.